showeredwithgrace

“Deferred joys purchased by sacrifice are always the sweetest.”

A year ago today I wrote this post from a place far away called Kazakhstan.  It was written on the day we first laid eyes on our daughter, Rose Red.

November 03, 2006 Journey Through Siberia

Traveling through Siberia (Northern Kazakhstan) in November is a harry experience.  Imagine yourself traveling at breakneck speed  in the dead of the night on a road made up of deep ruts and very large bumps.  Now imagine that your Russian driver swerves all over the road in an attempt to avoid the largest of these (a pointless effort).  Now imagine that this trip is six and a half hours long and your vehicle, almost the entire trip, is enveloped in a cold dense fog.   DH and I couldn't help but reflect that this journey was rather symbolic of our entire trip so far;  many ruts and bumps in the road, and blind travel.  We couldn't see two feet in front of us then and we haven't been able to see where we are headed with our adoption either.  It has been a roller coaster ride since we got here to Kazakhstan.

We are now in a small town in northern Kazkhstan called Kostani (it is six hours south west of Petropavlovsk).   Things in Petropavlovsk did not work out for us.  Our hearts were telling us that it was not right for us there so we made a very difficult choice and left there.  "Very risky" our translator kept telling us.  It was a risk that we felt we had to take, but the 'risk' made us sick inside.  We were leaving Petro and traveling to Kostani to meet one child.  One child is all that was available for us here in Kostani.  We arrived here in Kostani at 1:30am and our new translator met us at the apartment  he arranged for us to stay in.  It is very cozy and we are very happy to have a place we can call our own for a bit.  We met another family here today from Denver.  They are adopting three siblings from the orphanges here in Kostani.

And we met Rose Red.  She is eighteen months old.  .  .  .  thank you for all your prayers.

O-k, I must share this with you.  When Rose Red was in the orphanage in Kazakhstan she had a playmate her same age named Natasha.  Natasha was adopted by a couple six months before we met Rose Red.  When we returned from Kazakhstan in January we received a comment on our adoption blog from this very couple!  They stumbled across our adoption blog and recognized Rose Red as their new daughter's playmate from the orphanage!  After a few emails we discovered we lived within driving distance (six hours) of one another and so we decided to get the girls together again.  This is the weekend we agreed to meet ~ so we packed ourselves in the car and headed west .  We are here now having a great time!  Here is a picture of Natasha and her parents, my husband, Rose Red, and 'Wide Receiver' at dinner last night.

Small world, isn't it?

This is another baby carrier we use for around the house.  It is called a podaegi.  It is a korean baby carrier and has a soft spot in my heart as I was born and lived my infant years in South Korea.  As you can see this one is a big hit with Rose Red as well!

We have been reading up on attachment parenting during our adoption preparation and I was fortunate enough to be able to follow Helen's  posts on adoptive parenting as well which have dealt with many of the possible attachment issues that can come with adoption.  We have embraced 'baby carrying' in our household ~ an essential component of attachment parenting.   This is one of our baby carriers I'm wearing.  It is an awesome way to get things done and still be close to your baby ~ embracing and being with your child ~ rather than shooing them away to get some chores done.  I've been very impressed with how well this has worked out for us.  Rose Red loves to be close to Mama watching everything that is going on and I love not having to shoo her away when she expresses a need to be close to me.

We can't wait to bing her home!  Just two more weeks. . .  !

Barely Breathing

crisp scent of autumn,
leaves dancing on the wind
crunching beneath our boots.
trollies rumbling.
while we are waiting,
barely breathing,
to see you.

in the still and lonely moments
before the dawn.
breathing in the icy chill and
acrid smell of burning logs,
there snakes a path of light
through the barren trees.
I wrap your quilt around me.
as the dawn rises I am waiting,
barely breathing,
to embrace you.

~kira

There is a loveliness of babies fair  going on at one of my favorite blog  sites where I stumbled across this painfully beautiful post  on the adoptive mom. 

"Women who are experiencing trials in this area should take heart. Our world needs souls who are willing to accept sacrifices in honor of life. If Our Lord has chosen you to bear extra weight of struggles, it is a sign of blessing, a sign of favor. He is asking you to love the new life He has given you in these adverse circumstances in order to make reparation for the many who throw this precious gift away.

For the adoptive mom, she doesn’t have the physical trials which help to gradually open her heart and soul for the new life. But scripture holds true for her as well. Her pain will be increased with child bearing.

Anyone who has thought of adoption, looked into adoption, is waiting for an adoption, or who has actually completed an adoption will unanimously declare:
Adoption is hard work!

Just because someone wants a baby, doesn’t mean the baby is going to just show up out of nowhere. How many obstacles one must overcome! From the first steps of …
Could I parent a child?
to
Can I parent a child with this background?
(Just fill in your scary thought about adoption – you know what I mean if you have looked into adoption.)

Once these hurdles are overcome, then there is the paperwork …(long story not worth talking about) … then there are the ups and downs of the waiting process … finally there could be travel. Perseverance will only occur with God’s grace.

These are the trials that will affect the soul helping the adoptive mothers’ heart to open and expand in order to mother the new child.

But these are the trials akin to the first nine months of pregnancy. I believe the real labor pain of adoption is the internal burden of adoption and infertility. The barren, “desert like” feeling of infertility is not taken away by adoption. (A new baby certainly helps!) The fact that the Holy Spirit has not chosen you as a vessel for new life can never be matched by anything. Infertility is a true form of poverty. I was first introduced to this idea at the very first adoption seminar (five hour class) required by my adoption agency.

This takes nothing away from the love an adoptive mother has for her children. She will love them as her own – because they ARE her own. But everyday the barren woman, who desires more children, offers her heart on the altar of infertility. (I think women who have fertility but are in the waning years also know what I am talking about.)

The other internal trial of adoption is the trial of desire. Since adoption doesn’t ‘just happen’ and requires a considerable amount of work, I believe the Lord compensates for the lack of nature by instilling in the heart of the adoptive mother a desire for children that is crushing. The desire is so heavy and strong to impel the person through all the hoops, fears, trials, and waiting period involved in the adoption process.

The adoptive mother should also be encouraged. Her efforts at openness to life, her willingness to accept new life are also needed today in reparation for the sins against life."


Thank you Mary Vitamin for this honest, inspiring post!  Adoptive mothering can be a lonely sort of motherhood.  It's comforting to find a kindred spirit.

Five years ago today I was very ill and had to undergo a hysterectomy.  It shattered my dreams.   Thankfully,  God gave me the grace to continue in joy and in peace.  The day that I had my surgery was October 11th the feast of our Blessed Mother's Divine Maternity.  Today, again on this special feast day,  we have received news that our petition to adopt an orphan from kazakhstan has been accepted and we are to fly out to pick up our new baby in two weeks!  Isn't God good?

The Feast of the Divine Maternity

"Do not be afraid,  for I am with you;  I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. "  -- Isaiah 43:5

We just received news that we've been invited to Kazakhstan to pick up our new baby!  Hurray!  It has been a long eleven months of waiting -  but all in God's time I believe.   You can follow the joys,  struggles and adventures of our adoption experience at  Our Adoption Journey  .